Agape Counseling Center Articles

Is There a Pattern for Biblical Marriage? Pt. 2

December 06, 2005

Ken Wilson

God has always required submission in marriage (Gen. 2:21-25; Gen. 3:13-19). He has always provided for a line of authority and responsibility. The very idea of some kind of rank or leadership in the church or the home has been a staple in God's plan for man. Such leadership is essential to any well-ordered society. Even in Jesus' work, it is stated, "the head of Christ is God" (I Cor. 11:3 NIV).

In government someone must be in charge; else, there will be anarchy. In the church someone must provide spiritual leadership, otherwise there will be confusion, false teaching, and chaos (Heb. 13:7, 17). In business, schools, clubs, all group activity, someone must lead in order to accomplish unity and success in their endeavors. The same principle is applicable to the home (I Tim. 3:4, 5; Eph. 5:23). God has always required order and discipline (I Cor. 14:40). God has always required someone to lead.

God called us to have a servant attitude. The apostle Paul commands us to have the mind of Christ (Phil. 2:5-8). In this passage he emphasizes the quality of a servant's heart and that it is most precious to God when we possess it. When it comes to leadership, most people struggle with the concept of submission vs. selfishness.

God has always emphasized the value of a submissive heart. The story of the Pharisee and the tax collector surely confirms His feelings about pride and how we must rid ourselves of this attitude in our lives (Lk. 18:9-14). Subjection does not mean the same as inferiority. All of us are in subjection to someone, whether it is our employer, boss, government, police, etc. In all of these cases, being in subjection does not mean that we are necessarily inferior to the person or persons to whom we are in subjection.

In all endeavors of life there are positions of leadership to be filled. In marriage, the husband is to be the leader, not the dictator (Eph. 5:22-25; I Pet. 3:7). He is to be the head and be responsible for the spiritual leadership of the home. Yet he must also submit unto his wife's needs (Eph. 5:21; I Cor. 7:1-5). This means he has certain responsibilities to bear. He cops out when he turns his leadership duties over to his wife. He has to take the lead, set the pace and create an atmosphere that encourages a spiritual and loving home. He is to set the tone for discipline and training responsibilities in the home (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:18, 19).

In the very creation period, Adam and Eve sinned against God and were given their punishment (Gen. 3:16-19). The curse upon Eve was that God would greatly increase her pain in childbirth and her desire would be for her husband, and he would rule over her. This curse, on both man and woman, would be carried on throughout the time they would live on earth. Most conservative scholars seem to interpret the desire, in this text, a woman would have for her husband to be natural and instinctual and God's way of establishing the man as the leader of the home and the church.

The wife then, is to submit (support) and adapt to her husband as the leader in the home as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22; I Pet. 3:3-6). A careful analysis and acceptance of this principle would solve many problems. This is not just a cultural preference, but is the original will of God from the beginning of creation (I Cor. 11:7-12; I Cor. 14:34; I Tim. 2:8-15).

Genuine unity requires a sorting out of responsibilities. Imagine the confusion that would occur on a football team where no one knew his specific responsibility. Imagine the frustration that would exist in a business where there were no job descriptions, where everything was everybody's business and nothing was anybody's business, where everybody was boss and there were no servants. This is the kind of confusion and frustration that exists in many marriages, because there has never been a sorting out of the responsibilities. The idea of the wife's submission is not a very popular one in our day. Sometimes antagonism to wifely submission arises out of sinful rebellion against the will of God. Sometimes, however, it may arise from a false picture of what the wife's submission involves.

Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a slave. Actually, the wife is never freer than when she is in submission to her husband, for then she is free to become all that God intended her to be. Submission does not mean that the wife does not open her mouth, never has an opinion, or never gives advice (Prov. 31:26;Judg. 13:21-23; Acts 18:26). Submission does not mean that the wife becomes a wallflower, who folds up and allows her abilities to lie dormant. Submission does not mean that the wife is inferior to the husband. Jesus was not inferior to Mary and Joseph, and yet the Scripture says that as a child, "He continued in subjection to them" (Lk. 2:51).

Scripture indicates that it is the wife's responsibility to make herself submissive. Nowhere is the husband commanded to physically force his wife into submission. Rather, the wife is commanded to make herself submissive (Eph. 5:22; I Pet. 3:1). Scripture indicates that the wife's submission is to be continuous. The Greek verb in these passages about a woman's submission is in the present tense, which suggests a continuous action. Submission is to be the continuous life style of the wife. Wifely submission is not optional, because it is a vital part of the oneness of husband and wife.

(This article is the second of a three part series taken from the book: The Christian Home, By God's Design by the same author)

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